Beating Seasonal Detachment Disorder
Seasonal Detachment Disorder (SDD) anyone? No its not a real diagnosis, but something very like it happens this time of year
.As Thanksgiving ushers in the holiday season, emotional attachments take center stage as families gather to celebrate.
It’s an axiom of modern culture that these gatherings are often more endured than enjoyed, leaving one to suffer SDD. Yet the airports and highways are jammed with people traveling hundreds or even thousands of miles to be home for the holidays. And those who have lost loved ones find the season burdensome with grief.
We could envy the trees that just do what they are intended to do.
Produce leaves and live in close relationship with them for a season. Let them go when it is time. And repeat the cycle.
In healthy families we thrive as we grow in secure attachment to our parents and siblings. Given favorable amounts of security, self esteem and guidance, we mature into responsible adults. When the time is right, we detach from our childhood homes, establish healthy adult relationships, nurture a new generation. And enjoy many years of rewarding connections with the older generation.
But since no family is perfect, most of us have some cracks in the foundations of our childhood attachments.
To the extent we feel unloved or insignificant in the family we grew up in, we are likely to experience insecurity in important relationships as adults. Setting the stage for parents who cling to adult children, unwilling to let them move into their own lives. Or for children unsure of their ability to function in the world, hanging on to the safety of the parental home. And family gatherings that are anything but relaxing.
Family SDD is likely to show up when far-flung family members gather for Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Perhaps Mom is still domineering and Dad is as detached as ever. Or maybe Dad is full of advice about everything and Mom is stressed out and distracted by the demands of company.
Possibly you get into the same old fights with your siblings. Or your lives have followed such different paths that you find it hard to connect at all.
Maybe your adult children discount your hard-earned wisdom and you end up feeling like a has-been.
Whatever the specifics, you can overcome SDD by
letting go of expectations
accepting family members for who they are
letting go of past hang-ups and hurts
sharing your thoughts and feelings
focusing on the strength of your connection
celebrating shared memories
You'll be glad you did.