Going One on One With Your Favorite Kid
I love having my three grandsons, three, five and seven for an overnight – one at a time. Undivided attention plus no competition brings out the best in them.
Seven asks endless questions, explores anything new or different, revisits old favorites, is constantly on the move. Five turns on his megawatts smile. Wants to read books, bake cookies, watch a videos, help Grandpa with a building project. Three organizes his toys, turns legos into robots and guns, plays with any ball he can find, practices jumping from ever higher steps. Says “I wuv you grammy.”
But – you knew a ‘but’ was coming didn’t you? When they are all together at Grammy’s house everything changes. They fight over toys, try to outdo each other, take turns having melt downs, run Grammy, Grandpa & Auntie ragged.
What are they fighting for?
Like all of us they are hardwired with basic emotional needs for
Love
Security
Understanding
Significance
Belonging
These form the foundation for healthy relationships throughout life.
As the center of attention children feel loved, secure. Have no doubts about belonging, or being understood. Sense of significance – off the charts. They can relax and be their best selves.
With siblings present they have to fight for their piece of the limited resources of time and attention through which they experience love, security, significance and belonging.
Children thrive when these needs are met in their earliest attachment relationships. Babies and toddlers are helpless, needy, exhausting. Fortunately they are also lovable, entertaining, enchanting. They illicit the most intense frustration and the deepest delight from parents and grandparents.
One-on-one time with significant adults can help to lay a solid foundation for healthy adult relationships. Children will always object to their sibling’s one-on-one time with parents or grandparents, but when it’s their turn, they will love it.
Think about it. Can you give the gift of one-on-one time to a child in your life?