Here Come the Bullies
Bullying seems to be on everyone’s mind these days. You can’t turn on the radio or TV without hearing of another tragic teen suicide triggered by cyber bullying.
Popular shows are talking about bullying nonstop. A Google search yields over six million hits. Congress held hearings on bullying last summer and 45 states have passed anti-bullying laws. This morning’s newspaper reported Face Book acting to limit it.
But bullying is nothing new. Bullies have been the bane of the school yard, the school bus, and the walk home for as long as schools have existed.
And before. Isaac and Ishmael, the two sons of the biblical Abraham, come to mind. The millennia-old animosity between Jews and Arabs is said to be traced to Ishmael – Abraham’s first-born son, taunting Isaac – the promised heir. Ishmael and his mother were sent into the dessert to fend for themselves, and as the saying goes, the rest is history.
However, the Internet with its social networking and video sites has taken bullying to a whole new level. It used to be that once you got out of the bully’s geographical territory you were safe – at least for that day. But the Net allows cyber bullies to spread vicious rumors, even upload audio or video clips, for all the world to see – and act on. Handhelds make the Net accessible 24/7.
Bullying first came forcefully to public consciousness with Columbine massacre in 1999, and it has been cited in many subsequent school shootings. In recent weeks six widely reported teen suicides attributed to cyber bullying has peaked the public outcry once again.
Dr. Phil McGraw, among others, has launched an anti-bullying campaign and his website is a source of excellent advice for concerned parents.
However, it seems to me that bullying – in the form of character assassination and verbal abuse – has become acceptable for adults on the airwaves, in political campaigns, even in Congress.
Not to mention the bullying that happens at home. Domestic violence is an extreme form of bullying. Any verbal and physical abuse could be categorized as such.
Is it any surprise then that children and youth are getting into the act?
A well known poem by Dorothy Law Nolte, “Children Learn What they Live,” says it well. If children live in an atmosphere of respect for others, including those who are different or perceived to be weak, they will learn to treat others with respect. If they are bullied by the powerful people in their lives, observe it between adults and hear it in the media, don’t be surprised if they use it against their peers.
To protect your children from becoming bullies, treat them and your spouse with respect, especially when discipline is necessary. To protect them from being victimized, model appropriate boundaries. Don’t allow yourself to be mistreated by others within or outside the family.
Find courage to grow. Learn to be more calm and more assertive, because children do learn what they live.