The Children are Dying
Around the world children are dying in floods, earthquakes and war, from disease and hunger. In our own backyards, children are dying by fire, gunshot, and knife and smothering pillows. They are dying due to the carelessness, rage or despair of adults. Too often children are dying at the hands of their own parents. Not by accident, but by intent.
I first wrote about children murdered by their mother in 1995 when Susan Smith, a married South Carolina woman, infamously strapped her two young sons in their car seats and rolled the car into a lake. Her fictional tale of carjacking and abduction set off a nationwide search that ended ten days later when she confessed.
An eerily reminiscent scenario occurred a few weeks ago. Shaquin Duley, 29, a single mother from South Carolina took her two toddler sons from their grandmother’s home to a motel – and smothered them. The next morning she strapped them in their car seats and rolled the car into the Edisto River. She then called the sheriff and reported the “accident.” Within 24 hours she confessed to the act and is now in jail on murder charges.
News of such events is like a kick in the gut. I mourn the senseless destruction of promising young lives, grieve with the families, the communities left stunned and unbelieving. And I ask – why. Why?
Ironically, both of these mothers spoke of longing to be free. Anyone who has cared for toddlers 24/7 for years on end can relate. Yet, most parents are horrified by such reports. What sets those who murder their children apart?
It’s not socioeconomic or marital status, education, religion or race. In recent years in the Charlotte area, parents who murdered their children were white and black, married and single, impoverished and well-heeled, employed and unemployed, college educated and school dropouts. The majority were identified as religious. Some had histories of domestic violence and drug or alcohol abuse, and others were thought to be solid citizens.
In my opinion, hopelessness is the common denominator in these cases and others like them. Parents who kill their children are overwhelmed by emotional pain. In the twisted darkness and hopelessness of their minds, they have concluded that killing is the only way out – for themselves and their children. Frequently those who kill their children also kill themselves.
Where does such hopelessness come from? It is the hallmark of depression, reported to be a factor in the majority of cases of child homicides and murder-suicides. Adverse circumstances, isolation, a sense of abandonment, helplessness, or abuse of any sort can intensify despair and trigger depression. But hopelessness remains the culprit.
If you sense hopelessness in yourself or in someone you love, do not hesitate to intervene. Keeping the peace, protecting a relationship, or guarding your reputation as someone who has it all together is not worth what it may cost. Far better to seek help and be left feeling it was unnecessary than to risk devastation.
A child’s death is always heartbreaking. A needless death is tragic. Standing by when intervention is possible...is unthinkable.