The Evolution of Fatherhood
As we celebrated another Father’s Day, I found myself contemplating the changing role of fatherhood.
In the first half of the 20th century, a father’s wishes and words were the law of the household. I recall my late mother-in-law reminiscing about how she and her siblings snapped to attention when “daddy cleared his throat.” Not because he was the disciplinarian—by all accounts Mama was – but because he was DADDY.
While many of the Baby Boomers of the 1950s and 60s grew up on farms where families worked together, in middle class suburban families Dad went off to work each day and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. Dad played catch with the kids on the lawn after work and laid down the law when Junior stepped out of line. A daughter learned to dance on her father’s feet and remained ‘daddy’s girl’ until the day he gave her away to the man she married.
It all sounds quite idyllic, but these same dads were often emotionally distant. Expressions of love and affection were rare. Strong silent types, they were, nonetheless, emotional beings. Not knowing how to express their feelings, they occasionally – or perhaps regularly – lost it in ways that frightened young children and kept the family tip toeing around them.
As baby boomers became parents, they set out to right all the parenting wrongs that they perceived had been committed against them. Baby boomer dads were by and large more affectionate, more involved and more permissive than their fathers, sometimes to a fault.
Asthe feminist movementgathered steam, Baby Boomer women opted for careers and began to expect their husbands to contribute more time and energy to the daily care of the house and children. Male/female roles began to blur, leaving dads unsure of how to relate to their children.
At the same time, divorce became epidemic and separated many Gen-X children from their fathers. Single moms became commonplace and unmarried parenting became more acceptable, making many fathers peripheral to their children’s lives. Deadbeat dads, absent dads and abusive dads grabbed the headlines and became the focus of sociological studies.
The good news is that out of the chaos has emerged a committed and involved generation of fathers. The stay-at-home dad has become an acceptable option for couples raising young children. These days you will find dads doing all kinds of things that used to be strictly the province of mothers—from play dates to doctors appointments to bathing, dressing and feeding.
A growing number of single fathers are raising children, and more divorced or never-married fathers are making career and home buying decisions that allow them to be part of their children’s lives.
Today’s fathers are involved in parenting in a way they have not been for generations. Reason enough to celebrate. Let's hear it for all the men—of whatever generation—that give their hearts and minds, time and energy to their families!